Sex Toys Arguably Approved By The Good Book

Ribbed GIf it’s been awhile since you felt the power of God, then perhaps it’s time to change your batteries.
While Christians are often portrayed as up-tight and buttoned-downed when it comes to — um, well, you know — sex, a growing number of online storekeepers now promise as much exultation for the body as the soul.
Can I get an “amen” for Christian sex shops.
Arguably Bible approved — most contain chapter and verse where the good book speaks about man and woman “becoming one flesh” — Canada, the U.S. and the U.K. are now home to sites devoted to unbelievable toys for true believers.
From lotions and oils to rings and a vibrator called the “Jelly Gumdrop Vibe Cherry Smoothie.” Michael and Sherri Berner’s online shop — — offers a king’s ransom of waterproof aids for married couples only.
While you can order a “Turbo 8 Accelerator Bullet” from them — I still can’t figure out why you would need an LED read-out — what you won’t see on their site are any graphic images of naked men and women.
There are other, more subtle, tell-tale signs that theirs is not a typical sex toy shop.
Even though they sell erotic lingerie — each pictured on a model — what you won’t find is a belly button. They have been digitally removed, along with most cleavage, so as not to offend some Christians.
The Surrey, B.C. couple was inspired with the idea about six years ago, and finally came online with it in 2004. The website is now routinely given out to couples during Christian marriage counselling, especially in the U.S., where 90% of their business comes from.
“Sexuality has been treated as a bad thing,” Michael explains.
“These are just toys and things in a bedroom … what is the problem.”
Christians can have healthy sex lives, he and Sherri preach.
“It’s a wonderful ministry and business,” he adds.
He remembers one couple, in their 50s, contacted him after they had ordered from their shop. While their sex life had previously turned to Hell, their online shipment was heaven sent.
Owners of a large rural acreage, they told Michael, they “were soon running around it nude, after one another.”
Their clients include the old the disabled and sick — one woman needed lotions to counteract the effects of cancer treatment — as well as men of God.
“A pastor can’t simply walk into most (sex) shops,” says Michael.
“You begin to talk to some Christians, and realize they haven’t had sex for years. Where do they turn?”
As well, Michael said most XXX-shops prey on the senses of the flock.
While you usually can’t avoid graphic imagery of multiple-partners and homosexuality, these sites stay clear of anything anal.
While sales are climbing, he says Canadians are still slower than Americans to be converted over to a sex site.
Which is strange, he admits, since you can find more graphic images and language on our TV, than south of the border.
Which may be a problem. They had to shut down their Canadian-based, Christian sex and relationship chat site, because it was becoming too blue.
Even Michael and Sherri’s online address is now American.
The 42-year-old soft tissue, pain control expert — and Sherri, a 39-year-old interior designer — often get strange reactions when they tell people about their on-line ministry.
“People go red-faced, and don’t want to know anything more,” he said.
“We’re putting a chink in the armour (of not being able to talk openly).”
After the birth of her first child, six years ago, Joy Wilson couldn’t get motivated for sex with her husband Kevin. A strong Christian, the Oregon teacher didn’t know where to turn for her salvation.
So she and Kevin started, one of the first religious-based intimacy product sites aimed at married couples.
Before they send out any of their products, most of the cardboard backing — often depicting nude or semi-nude models — is taken away. In other cases, stickers are placed over naughty bits. The products are then sent out in plastic polybags.
“Some would ask, ‘Are you taking out the directions?” says the 35-year-old mom. “The sad thing is there are no directions in most of these products. They don’t say how they work or how to clean them.”
Her site links to another online Christian sex and intimacy location — — which tells users what goes where.
This year, Joy and Kevin’s market will be about $100,000 — largely from the U.S. and Canada.
“It’s way more a ministry than about making money,” Joy says.
Though she still doesn’t tell everyone in her church.
“We don’t want to embarrass the older couple sitting in the next pew,” she admits.
She — and the other shopkeepers — are just quietly happy to be arming Christian soldiers for the bedroom.
And, oh God, yes, embracing what comes naturally.
from The Toronto Sun

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