World Stupidity Awards

Donald ThompsonShooting your buddy on a quailhunting trip is stupid, but using a sex toy while in charge of a murder trial is even stupider.
That’s the verdict from this year’s World Stupidity Awards, where a pervy US judge has beaten trigger-happy Vice President Dick Cheney to the title of Stupidest Man of the Year.
His Honour Donald Thompson, 59, pleasured himself under his robes with a device called a penis pump while presiding over two murder trials in Oklahoma.
Sadly, he was unable to accept his award in person – he’s serving four years for indecent exposure.
Cheney had been hotly tipped to take the prize after blasting old pal Harry Whittington in the face with a shotgun as they hunted quail together in Texas.
But George W Bush’s right-hand man had to make do with the consolation of the Dumbest Moment of the Year award.
There was also a prize for hapless Harry, 78, who survived a heart attack after Cheney peppered his body with 200 pieces of lead shot.
He earned the gong for Stupidest Statement of the Year by telling the press: “My family and I are deeply sorry for all that Vice President Cheney and his family have had to go through this past week.”
Harry’s chances of winning improved considerably when organisers banned President Bush from the category. A Stupidity Awards “spokesmoron” explained: “Voters complained that his presence was unfair to other nominees.”
Dubya had to be content with a widely-predicted victory in a category all of his own – the Stupidest Statement by George W Bush Award.
He was honoured for telling the bungling official in charge of the disastrous aid effort after Hurricane Katrina: “Brownie, you’re doing a hell of a job.”
Federal emergency director Michael Brown was out of a job days later.
Other classic Bushisms of 2006 included: “I’m the decider, and I decide what is best.”
And connoisseurs of stupidity fondly recalled the great man’s reaction whe the president of Brazil showed him a map of his vast country.
Bush said: “Wow! Brazil is big!”
The Stupidity Awards were created on the internet in 2003 to “salute achievement in ignorance and stupidity”.
Honourable mentions this year included Mel Gibson, nominated in the stupid statement category for asking a policewoman who nicked him for drink-driving: “What are you looking at, sugar t*ts?”
France was proudly represented by Zinedine Zidane, whose World Cup Final headbutt on Marco Materazzi put him in on the short list for the stupidest moment prize.
And a museum visitor called Nick Flynn carried the flag for Britain after tripping over his laces and smashing three priceless 17th century Chinese vases,
After the catastrophe, Flynn criticised the museum in Cambridge for not taking better care of their exhibits.
His brass neck earned him the Stupidity Award For Making a Stupid Situation Stupider. How stupid is that?
For more awards and winners, log on to
from The Daily Record

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